बंता: आपका शादी के बारे में क्या बिचार हैं?
संता: आदमी रात के लिये अपनी जिंदगी के सारे दिन ख़राब कर लेता है!
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संता: एक आदमी की 6 उंगलिया थी! सब लोग उसे राधे श्याम कहते थे, बताओ क्यों?
बंता: पता नहीं!
संता: क्योंकी उसका नाम राधे श्याम था!
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बंता: भाई साहब पूछताछ कार्यालय किधर है? संता: इन्क्वारी आफिस से पूछ लीजिये!
बंता: मैंने टाइटैनिक फिल्म पांच बार देखी है!
संता: मुझे तो एक ही बार में समझ आ गई थी!
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संता: शेर का पिंजरा खुला रह जाए तो क्या हो सकता है?
बंता: शेर चोरी हो सकता है!
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संता: इमारत से ऊँचा कौन कूद सकता है?
बंता: पता नहीं!
संता: सभी इमारत से ऊँचा कूद सकते है क्योंकि इमारत तो एक ईंच भी कूद नहीं सकती!
बंता: सर्कस देखने चलें?
संता: नहीं मुझे थोड़ा काम है!
बंता: सर्कस में एक नंगी लड़की शेर की सवारी करती है!
संता: चलो चलते है बड़े दिनों से शेर नहीं देखा!
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संता: मेरे पड़ोसी का बच्चा गुम हो गया!
बंता: फिर तुमने क्या किया?
संता: मैंने उन्हें कहा कि गूगल में सर्च कर लो!
संता: एक लड़की सड़क में अकेली जा रही थी! सामने से मैं आ रहा था जब हम दोनों एक दूसरे के सामने पहुंचे तो मैंने लड़की को रास्ता दे दिया!
बंता: सारे तुम्हारे जैसे बेब्कुफ़ नहीं होते!
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संता: मैंने सब्जी वाले से प्याज का रेट पूछा तो वो बोला पहले पांच रूपये दो फिर बताऊंगा!
बंता: अच्छा फिर क्या हुआ?
संता: पहले पांच रूपये दो फिर बताऊंगा!
Teacher: You call your mother as mum. What will you call your mother's younger sister and elder sister?
Santa: So simple, I will call them minimum and maximum.
Jeeto : Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Santa : Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday!
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say that she's no good!
English Teacher : Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid:" Yeah , once my sister said she has missed one ,my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away."
Santa: Banta! There's a bomb in my garden!
Banta: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
After finishing MBBS Santa started his practice. He checked first patient`s eyes, tongue and ears with a torch and finally says : Torch is okay.
Santa: Doctor! My son swallowed a key!
Doctor: When?
Santa: Three months ago
Dr: What were you doing till now?
Santa: We were using aduplicate key
Dr: So why did you come today?
Santa: We lost the duplicate key!
Santa: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
Banta: Who ?
Santa: I don't know how she got my number. She interrupts whenever I call someone and says "Please recharge your card."
Exams are like girl friends - Too many questions - Difficult to understand - More explanation is needed - Result is always fail!
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a party and his host, Banta, naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Banta asked "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
Banta thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.
Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"
Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
3 sardar bed pe so rahy thy,
un tenon ko jaga theek
se nahi mil rahi thi.
phir 1 sardar bed se niche sone laga.
2nd sardar: ab jaga ho gai hai, uper ajaa.
One day, Banta complained to Santa, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
Santa said, "Don`t bother. There`s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker & cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it and it only costs Rs.500."
Banta figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the Rs.500. The computer started making some noise and the various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, outpopped a small slip of paper which read: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. So Banta decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the Rs.500. The machine again made the usual noises and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren`t yours. Get a lawyer.
And if you don`t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Once there was a sword competition & players from many countries took part in that.
From India Mr. Santa Singh took part.
First player came from Germany. He swings the sword & cuts a very thin wire into two parallel parts. Then comes a Japanese & he cuts the even more thin wire into two parts.
Then comes our very own Santa Singh.
He took the sword in one hand & flew a mosquito in the air.
He swings the sword over the mosquito, but mosquito flies away. Then the judge asked "Kya Santa Singh Ji, machhar to ud gya".
Santa replied, " Ud to gya, per ab kabhi baap nahi banega"
A prostitute aftr taking sardarji's dick in her mouth. "1000 rs de varna isko kaat doongi." Sardarji:"5000 de varna su su kar doonga"
Sardar is repeatedly buying movie tickets. Finally the ticket seller asks him y? Sardar says, some guy standing at the door is tearing my ticket!
True Horror, which took place last month. This happened about a month ago near Lonavala
A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wanted to see the scenery.. The inevitable happens and when he reached the ghats his car breaks down. He's stranded miles from nowhere
Having no choice he started walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town
It was dark and pretty soon he got wet and shivering. The night rolled on and no car passed by
Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him. It slowed and then stops next to him. Without thinking the guy opened the door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leaned forward to thank the person who had saved him. He realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life
He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend
Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights
It's a small town.
He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through
There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking
And that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba
Santa points and says, "Look Banta, that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it"
One Day Santa asked a frog sitting near a pond "Oye Bata, Ki Sardaron ke dimag hota hai ki nahin?" (Hey, tell me whether Sardar's have brain or not?"
The Frog said "Nahin!" (No!) and jumped in the pond.
Santa standing a minute said "Isme Sucide karne ki kya baat thi ?!?" (What was the reason behind the frog commiting sucide ?!?)
KIDNAPPING BY A SARDAR... TOO GOOD!
There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.
In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
Sardarji then wrote a note saying:
"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side of the city playground".
Signed: "A Sardarji".
Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree.The boy was sitting next to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash with a note saying:
"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji? Take the money, and Please leave my son."
Signed: Another Sardarji
