Some Question and Answers

Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.

Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.

Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!

Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.

Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.

Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?
A. They both throw a ho down.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

Blonde Selling Car

Blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it

How to please Men and Women

A Picture to show what is needed to Please a Woman and What is needed to Please a Man.

In Suhagraat

Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde
ke peeche chup jati hai.
Husband: Kya hua?
Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai.

Laloo Applying for Job at Microsoft

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft
Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply: *

*

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks
Bill Gates.** *

*
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi
hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued... ... "Ab hum aap sab ko
apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai -
isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.*

*
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne
ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.*

Sword Fight

Once there was a sword competition & players from many countries took part in that.

From India Mr. Santa Singh took part.

First player came from Germany. He swings the sword & cuts a very thin wire into two parallel parts. Then comes a Japanese & he cuts the even more thin wire into two parts.

Then comes our very own Santa Singh.

He took the sword in one hand & flew a mosquito in the air.

He swings the sword over the mosquito, but mosquito flies away. Then the judge asked "Kya Santa Singh Ji, machhar to ud gya".

Santa replied, " Ud to gya, per ab kabhi baap nahi banega"

Wife

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.

The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".

The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.

A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this women out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"

The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".

The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!".

Meeting the Manager

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured
alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively
signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his
full beard. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with
both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into
his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I
can do?'
'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her
forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of
her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him, There's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies room.'

Asking GOD for a million Dollors

Man:god how long is a million years to u?
GOD:a minute.
MAN:and a million dollars?
GOD:a rupee.
MAN:can u give me a rupee?
GOD:just a minute

A Perfect Birthday Gift

Here is a perfect birthday gift which all men will love to recieve.

Demands

A prostitute aftr taking sardarji's dick in her mouth. "1000 rs de varna isko kaat doongi." Sardarji:"5000 de varna su su kar doonga"

Helping Nisha

Teacher: what u wish to do in future? MOHAN: I want to be a pilot VINAY: I want 2 be Doctor NISHA: I want 2be mother RAJU: I want 2help Nisha

Boost Secret

Tendulkar's wife gave birth to twins. In pres report he said "BOOST" is the secret of my energy. Suddenly sehwag came in and said "our energy".

Feel like a woman

A woman removed her @jeans, throws it at her boyfrnd n said MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A WOMAN. Guy removed his @jeans, threw it at the women n said WASH BOTH THE JEANS

Computer Trouble

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!

Whos Beer Best

After an international beer conference in London, all the world's top
brewery bosses decide to go out for a beer together.

The Chairman of Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in
the world, 'The King Of Beers': give me a Budweiser."

The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him

The Chairman of Guiness says, "I'd like the only beer in the world
worth really, truly waiting for: give me a Guinness."

The bartender serves him.

The Chairman of Carlsberg says, " I would like the world's best beer,
drunk in more countries than any other: give me a Carlsberg."

He gets it.

Vijay Mallya sits down, looks around and says, "Just give me a Coke."

The bartender looks at him, shrugs, and serves him.

The other brewery bosses were surprised and said, "Hey Vijay, how come
you aren't drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Listen," says Vijay Mallya, "If you guys aren't drinking beer,
neither will I"

Changing Will

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for
a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the
gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman came
back in a month time to the doctor and the doctor said,
'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!'

In Cinema

Sardar is repeatedly buying movie tickets. Finally the ticket seller asks him y? Sardar says, some guy standing at the door is tearing my ticket!