Smart Salesman

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.
A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!", exclaimed the eager salesman.

Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"
"We just moved in, & there's no electricity in the house!"

Dear Mr. Bill Gates

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have
bought a computer for our home and we found problems,
which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open
e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in
Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears,
but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed
appears, but we face this problem only in password
field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and
he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with
password *****. I request you to check this as we
ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the
'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop"
button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my
friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we
request you to change that to "sit", so that we can
click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in
system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter
at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working
properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot
for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to
trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect
my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG
to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money
for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when
are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to
learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide
that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh

If You love Someone

ORIGINAL QUOTE

If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....


THE NEW VERSIONS...

Pessimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time
forget her.

Patient:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

Playful:

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
* If she comes back,
and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat *

C++ Programmer:

if(you-love(m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she= new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:

If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:

If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

Bill Gates :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :

If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.


Schwarzenegger's fans:

If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:

If you love someone
don't set her free.

HR specialist:

If you love someone
set her free by
Offering her VRS and other benefits
Then outsource her.

MBA:

If you love someone
set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist:

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist:

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert:

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance Expert:

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist:

If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the

Making Happy

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

Paint Job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

An MBA and Engineer

An MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see ..
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute:

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.

"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Road Flirting

Boy to Girl : Janeman, Is Dil mein Aa ja.
Girl : Sandal Nikalo Kya ?

Boy: Dhat Pagli, Mandir thode hi hai, eise hi Aaja.