Some Applications for Leave

Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
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This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing
the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
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Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
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From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave."
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Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
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An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."
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A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I
request you to leave me today"
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Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
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Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
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Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my
below..."
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Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband
at home I may be granted leave".
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Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
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A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist
and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the
past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I
am applying for the post.

Tech Support Jokes

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID
SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.

TAKE A LOOK:
1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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2). Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same
error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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3). Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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4). Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$(welll pretend to smile)
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5). Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK'
button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
Tech support:
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6). Tech Support: : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
Tech support::
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7). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
Tech support::
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8). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support::
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9). Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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10). Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
Tech support::
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11). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the
computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support::
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12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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13). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
Tech support::
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NOW THE BEST ONE

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech:(keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and
fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented
DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Letme know how it
goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE.
Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.
Tech support:: How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support::(hush hush)
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking
questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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15). customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and may I
help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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Long Jump

Tony lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in
Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every
night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and
found there was a wait for the next boat, So Tony
decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he
was feeling no pain. When he got back to the ferry
slip, the ferryboat was just six feet from the dock.
Tony, afraid of missing this one and being late for
dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the
deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud
Tony to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you
wait? We were just pulling in!"

Blind Date

Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts...
"Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

Bump on head

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.
Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

Kisses

Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha "Is mahine salary
ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hoon"
Wife ne jawab diya Aap key salary ke badle 100 kiss
milay:
Hisaab bhej rahi hoon-
1. Doodh wala 2 kiss mein maan gaya,
2. Teacher ko 7 deni padi.
3. Sabjiwala 7 mein nahin man is liye 9 deni padi.
4. Kiranewala sirf kiss se nahin mana - Usko aur kuch
bhi diya.
5. Makaan malik to roj 6 - 7 ley jata hai.
Aap chinta mat karna,mere paas abhi lagbhag 35 aur
hai. Mahina aaram se kat jayega.

Some more Jokes

Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two days before his funeral.
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Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
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Banta: Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think of........
Santa: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted
area. The Judge askd him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices", said Banta.
"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE"
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Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents
achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Banta Singh on Interview

Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: ........!!!!!!!

Missed

A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Sh*t, I missed."

The good Sister told him to watch his language.

On his next swing, he missed again. "Sh*t, I missed."

"Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly.

The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed.

Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Sh*t, I missed."

A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.

And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

"Sh*t, I missed."